To Poop or Not to Poop

That is indeed the question.

As any parent will tell you, once you have kids poop, kind of becomes a big fact of life. When your kids are babies its all about the color, the texture, how often and what it smells like (true story). Once solid foods are introduced, the discussion changes a little. It becomes more like ‘oh my dear lord, how does something so small produce something that could burn your nose hairs?!’ (again, true story).

biohazard, hazard, smell

But the minute they are out of diapers and taking care of their own business, so to speak, it’s all about their regularity (kind of like grown ups).

Now, Little P, she’s what her doctor calls a ‘two-day regular’. Which essentially means that every two days she goes poop. This would be fine except for the fact that she really needs to be more of a ‘once a day’ kind of kid. And this is for one really simple reason – when she holds it for two days, what comes out of her is essentially a torpedo. As in it will blow up the toilet.

It’s true.

Some of her bowel movements would make a long haul trucker proud. She’s successfully blocked up our toilets (that’s right, plural) on multiple occasions. So much so that we now keep our ‘Little P Pooper Breaker-up Kit’ next to the toilet. This consists of a plunger, rubber gloves and the official poop breaker-upper (that would be bamboo skewers – I kid you not). And again, it would be okay (seriously) if she didn’t have weeks where she would hold it in past the two day mark.

Recently, she went 6 days without a decent poop. SIX!! Needless to say, the munchkin was in pain; ‘Momma, my tummy is hurting’. Well yeah, you need to poop kid. And all the usual tricks didn’t work. Changing her diet, warm baths, subliminal messages while she’s sleeping (okay, maybe not that one), I was getting nada from her. Partly because she knew it was going to hurt to poop, and partly because, well, we both knew it was going to be of an impressive size.

When she did eventually manage to go poop, it took so long that I swear I saw time pass us by. And what came out would have sunk the Bismark. Once the ordeal was over, she sighed, looked at me and said ‘that was a big one’.

No shit.

Till next time, may you always be regular.


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