Mommy-isms

Mommy-ism #170: just chill. Seriously, just take a deep breath, loosen those shoulders and relax. The world isn’t going to end if you don’t get the laundry done in the next two hours. It certainly won’t burst into a ball of flames if the floors go un-mopped, un-swept or un-vacuumed today, or tomorrow. And it sure as hell won’t turn into a Zombie Apocolypse if you can’t quite work out how to feed the little one, feed yourself and make it out the door on time to whereever it is you feel you need to be. Because, contrary to what you may believe, life will trundle along quite happily if you decide to spend today in your pajamas – I promise.

good day pajamas

Mommy-ism #165: quiet. Why is it that the more you ask a little one to be quiet (as in ‘please be quiet, Daddy is sleeping’) the more they insist on not only speaking loud enough to be heard across the street, but that they have to, right at this minute, play with every noisy toy, dump all the blocks on the wooden floor and essentially take on the personality of a whirlwind?

Mommy-ism #164: shoes. Why do little ones insist in taking shoes off in public? At least Little P puts them neatly on a table.

kidshoes

Mommy-ism #163: I have three words for you – Spongebob Square Pants. WHAT. THE. HELL? I know this thing has been around for a while, and Little P just discovered it, but seriously, what screwed up, drug child of the 70’s thought of this thing and why do kids love it so much?!

Mommy-ism #162: music appreciation. Little P has always had a love of music…and has always been pretty opinionated about it as well. Lately she’ll tell us what song she wants to hear, and more often, that it’s ‘not us, just me’ who gets to sing the songs. Recently, she started telling me I was ‘doing it wrong’. *sigh*

mommasingingwrong

Mommy-ism #152: volume control. Little ones should come with one installed…. just saying.

Mommy-ism #151: perfection. That brief moment of time when everything is as it should be; munchkin sleeping soundly, dishes done, laundry done, clothes and lunches ready for the next day. Finally, you can relax. And then, just like that…. it’s gone. Munchkin wakes up, you realize there’s still a load of laundry in the washing machine and you find a bunch of dishes sitting on the stove that you totally forgot to wash. *sigh*

Mommy-ism #150: privacy. Such a thing no longer exists once you have a child. Forget about going to the bathroom alone, having a shower in peace, even the simple act of sitting down, will encourage your little one (or hoards of little ones) to want to be with you, on top of you and just plain near you.

Mommy-ism #149: everything is dramatic when you are two. Getting dressed, having something to eat, even taking a bath requires thought, discussion, more thought, a tantrum, distractions, laying down to think about it, more distractions…. and then finally the huge sigh and ‘okay’. Man, life is tough.

Mommy-ism #148: farts. Funny when a grown up does them, doubly so when a little one does it – especially when they can’t quite work out why they just made that noise.

Mommy-ism #147: baby go boom. When little kids transition over to a ‘big kid’ bed, one of three things happen – they either take to it like a fish to water (i.e. not tantrums, no falling out, and no arguments about whose bed it is), or they like their new bed but can’t seem stay in it (as in falling out of it), or they hate the idea and want their crib back (I’m guessing it’s a sense of security having that extra section there). Little P is a bit of both loving it, and falling out of it. Some days she does great and other times (like last night) she’ll be so restless she falls out 3 or 4 times…trial and error people, it’s all about trial and error.

Mommy-ism #145: nap time. That sweet relief of knowing that for a brief moment, you have some time to yourself. Time to read, write, watch a movie, finish that cup of coffee (or sweep, mop, do laundry)…or even nap yourself. Oh nap time, I’m going to miss you when you are gone.

Mommy-ism #144: Netflix. That wonderful little app on an iPad that can keep a 2 year old entertained long enough for Momma to have a shower in peace (and occasionally long enough to let me finish getting ready)….

Mommy-ism #142: Mother’s Day. Those 24 little hours where you get pampered and treated like a Queen (you know, like you did before you had kids). And then, WHAM, it’s Monday. And to quote one Eminem ‘snap back to reality’….

Mommy-ism #138: day trips. Grown ups and kids alike need to experience different things, if not for your own sanity, just because there is so much more to the world than you could ever possibly know. And getting out there to experience something new and different with your little ones not only opens their eyes to the wonders of nature (and life in generally), it also reminds us of what is really important in life.

Mommy-ism #133: time. It truly is relative when you have kids. Need to be somewhere on time? Plan to leave the house 30 mins prior to when you normally would – it will take that long just to get the munchkins OUT of the house. Some days it’s just easier to stay home…

Mommy-ism #130: pimples. Seriously, I’m almost 40 and I’m breaking out. Mother Nature, it’s a bit beyond a joke now, okay. Enough with the crazy skin stuff.

Mommy-ism #128: snot. Yup, snot. Little kids tend to have a rather large supply of it – for such little noses it makes you wonder where it all comes from. And it undoubtedly always finds it way onto your shirt, or pants, or bag, or couch, or car seat or just into your hand… usually after they tell you they have something to give you. Ah, the joys of being a parent.

Mommy-ism #121: sleep (part 1). Little kids can sleep anywhere. This is usually because they have fought going to sleep so hard that when it finally hits them, it hits themĀ hard. And in a variety of different ways:

  • There’s the ‘fell asleep while eating’ position, usually occurring at the dinner table and involving either a hand still grasping a spoon or fork, or a handful of food that never quite made it to their mouth
  • Or the ‘half on, half off’ position, normally occurring on a couch, favorite chair, or even from time to time on their actual bed
  • Or the ‘fell asleep while doing something’ position, similar to the first one, but this usually involves them holding onto a favorite toy or toys, surrounded by books (because they couldn’t decide which book they wanted to read), or on the rare occasion, shoes
  • Or the very popular (if somewhat uncomfortable) ‘fell asleep in the car seat’ position

sleepingbabe

My personal favorite is the ‘fell asleep in Mommy and Daddy’s bed and now they don’t want to move me in case they wake me’ position – yup, that ones a killer.

Mommy-ism #118: distraction. Some days it’s a blessing to have your little one so engrossed in something that they don’t even notice you. And other days (like today) you kind of feel like the invisible person. I went to give Little P a hug and kiss to say ‘bye’ and lately she’s been crying and telling me not to go. Today, it was like a switch got flipped – she was so busy reading her books that I was hard pressed to even get a ‘bye’ out of her. Not sure which I prefer…

 

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