Ever have one of those days (or weeks, or months) when everything feels like it’s funky? Like the whole world is just a little bit off kilter and you aren’t sure why? Yeah, me too.
The past couple of weeks have been like that for me and it’s been bugging me, bad, because I couldn’t work out why. Normally I can work out why I feel like this – it’s the anniversary of when someone passed, or when I had that car accident or when we lost the baby…. there’s always been an explanation. But these past couple of weeks I haven’t been able to work out why.
And then it hit me, like the proverbial ton of bricks. I turn 40 next week.
I didn’t think it bothered me (still don’t – talk about denial), but as I sat at the computer the other day reading over past posts, going through old photos I realized that in a very short time, I’ll be reaching a new decade, one in which I had assumed I would have my sh*t together and one in which I most definitely do not feel that way. Don’t get me wrong, my life is far from horrible. It’s just, well, it’s not what I had envisioned all those many moons ago when I turned 30.
When I wrote my ‘turning 30’ email (pre-blog world) I had thoughts of getting married (which we did some 9 months later), having kids, a house, being close to family…. the list goes on. And as I re-read that email, I realized a couple of things. Firstly, the universe works in some pretty screwed up ways. And secondly, the path you choose may not lead you to where you want to go, but it will lead you to where you need to go.
And while I may not be living where I had pictured it some 10 years ago, nor have the size family we had hoped, I do truly believe, with all my heart and soul that I am where I am meant to be. In another ten years’ time, who knows?
Till next time, just go with it. Cause, you know, ‘funk happens’.